IT IS MY BIRTHDAY

I love my birthday. I love celebrating my birthday. Yet, this year. Every day is hard with grief, I’ll give you that one for free. And then somehow, some days are a tad bit harder. A lot harder. Like birthdays. Yours and theirs. And special days. Last year, on my birthday, we were all there and there was cake, always the same cake, and laughter and that sweet promise of the future ahead that birthdays make you feel. This year, for my birthday, I’m trying to come to terms with loss and an unsurmountable pain that doesn’t get easier as…

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ALL THE THINGS NAPTIME GAVE ME, AND WHAT IT DIDN’T GIVE ME!

Before I became a parent, I was under the impression illusion babies and young children consistently slept for hours on end during the day, lying down comfortably in their cots or carrycots or prams. Yes, even those children who would not sleep at night, gave their parents the gift of naptime, from where I stood. I was also under the impression that parenthood gave you some sort of access to a secret energy potion like Obelix’s, which allowed parents to run whole profitable businesses exclusively during naptime. Needless to say, I knew nothing (Jon Snow). Spoiler alert, there’s no secret…

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SUN, SARDINES, AND WELL, SALTWATER

Sometimes you* need a fresh start. A clean fresh start that reminds you of who you are and what your take on life is. A new dawn that makes you feel yourself amidst the loss and the grief and the sleep deprivation. I am happy. First and foremost, I am happy. Happy now too, yes, even in the painful aftermath of forever missing my Dad, but above all, happy in nature. Happy even as tears roll down my face at the memory of what was and the sadness of a whole future of forever missing him. Happy in fresh starts.…

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