Sometimes you* need a fresh start. A clean fresh start that reminds you of who you are and what your take on life is. A new dawn that makes you feel yourself amidst the loss and the grief and the sleep deprivation.
I am happy.
First and foremost, I am happy. Happy now too, yes, even in the painful aftermath of forever missing my Dad, but above all, happy in nature. Happy even as tears roll down my face at the memory of what was and the sadness of a whole future of forever missing him.
Happy in fresh starts. It’s funny how often you’ll see yourself as one thing – change-averse for me – in spite of all the evidence to the contrary – I’ve changed cities, countries, jobs, houses. I can do a fresh start. Sometimes, I even need one!
Sometimes, you need a fresh start to become who you are now. Change the outfit from within kinda thing. Allow yourself to grow free of what was.
All of that to say that I stopped seeing myself as little miss**. I’m just not that anymore. I’m a strong and confident person and referring to myself as little miss anything was getting on my nerves on a good day, and was basically insulting on a bad one.
Changing that was solely in my hands and I chose change.
Sun, sardines and saltwater was the fresh start. Things that make me happy. Things that go as far back in my life as I can remember. Things that host my grief and the longing and my Dad, and gift them back to me wrapped in love whilst carrying some of the pain for me to lighten the load.
Welcome. Thank you for being here.
*by ‘you’ I mean me…
** I used to have a blog called Little Miss Joey, if you’re new here.