This has been a long week. The kind of long week that makes you happy and sad and ever so grateful for this little big thing called "my people". This tribe of mine is what makes everything I do possible. They are my rocks and each and everyone of them plays a part in making my life what it is.
I sit in silence. Silence is good, just now. It hasn't been silent for so long that I think I'd forgotten what it sounds like, silence. There's a torn peace that comes with difficult conversations, the ones you don't want to have because it hurts. Once you go through it, all that is left is the silence and the peace and that pain. And you grab that peace and that silence and hold them dearly, gently rocking the pain away.
The thing with difficult conversations is that they never goes how you'd expected them to go. Even when you think you didn't expect anything, you most certainly didn't expect that. It's funny, really. If only you could find things funny right now. But you can't. Right now things aren't funny, they are just silent, peaceful and painful, if ever they could go together.
Once the pain goes away, it will leave the void it now hides. The void of my everyday, for so many days, that I lose count. What am I going to do without you? And then the silence is stronger, so much louder than all the other sounds and in my head I'm shouting back what will I do without you?… but only the silence hears me.
This hidden post sat in my drafts for over three months. It was written after a conversation with Nick about the changes we would face to our routine. It's unedited; for publishing, I've added the image.