one of those days

I’m having one of those days, you know? Days where nothing goes quite right, but it’s not wrong either (fortunately!!). Days where the coffee supply needs to be double and you still feel a bit meh about it. Days where you have to resort to old tricks – like writing here to get your brain gear – before you can tackle that big work writing project. <– Best tip I ever got, over 10 years ago because that’s how old I and my writing are now!

This year, I jumped on the bandwagon of the 100 Day Project, to boost my creativity in writing and photography. My project is called 100 bits of you that make me whole and is a collection of photos and daily writings about my boy and my adventures in motherhood.

I really wanted my creative juices to return to this small body of mine and this felt like a great way to do it. So far, so good. I’m not using my big camera as much as I’d hoped, actually none of the photos I’ve shared on Instagram have been with my big camera (mainly because I’m still a bit precious about keeping Instagram SLR-free), but I’m using it more than before. I’m also reflecting and writing and editing, and I can see how 10 days in, already my process is being refined and I’m having more ideas instead of less. For now, I’d say the plan is working.

Yet, there’s this greyness.

I’m tempted to dismiss this cloud I feel above my head as lack of sunshine for the last five days. Literally have not seen the big star in five days and it’s messing with me. It’s gotta be that! I don’t like it. It’s affecting my mood, my creativity, and my coffee intake! I could add a big plea for spring to come, and I’m sure I’ve done it before here even, but I’m also fed up of those empty pleas into the ether (another consequence of this cloud!). And therefore nothing seems to help beyond coffee and baby cuddles and writing a longer text. Even if said text says very little about anything – one of my specialities. You’re welcome!

Whilst I’m sharing randomness, I desperately want to get back to running and somehow cannot organise myself enough to go. First there’s the big question of when to go – am before the buzz or pm after the buzz. Then there’s the… nothing, really. Dumping sharing it here is making me realise that there’s only one thing to solve, albeit crucial thing, before I can do this. On top of everything else I aim to do with my life in those precious hours I’m not at work. But let’s not there and all of the sudden create thing two, because the whole point of this is to make time for the things that matter and I’m starting to realise how running matters to my sanity. Clue: it’s a lot. Alright, so that was pretty much the whole answer, I don’t do mystery well. 

I’ve saved this text and am currently considering what value this adds to the online community. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts on my way to nursery, on a variety of topics of which creativity online is a big one. And within that, there’s this recurring message of doing what you love and living a life you love all the while adding value to the online community. Which has me thinking – what value do I add with this space? No need for a clue this time – none.

(It would seem I have kept going…)

This space, and largely my digital footprint, adds very little value (because none is too strong on a grey day!) to the online community. But it has an enormous value to me, as a creative outlet, a life record of sorts, a space I like and enjoy on my own terms and to my own rhythms. And that is a wonderful realisation on a grey day. 

Here I am, shaking the greyness meh-ness away with coffee and words of random and you know what? It’s working! I feel I’m channeling sunshine or creating my own supply! Thank you me, keep up the good work. Now go work! 

Photo: cats make life so much better, even if they just remind you what you’d like to not be doing at any given moment! Ta, Olivia!